Accident Prone

What I Did.

I have always been accident prone. Since I was a little girl, I invariably tripped over something, fell down something or bumped into something and nothing has really changed. I haven't grown out of it at all, in fact, my accidents these days seem to be far more extreme or unusual than the ones growing up. I know this because when I am sitting in Accident & Emergency describing what I have done to myself, I usually get laughter and incredulity from the Doctor, not sympathy.

A few of the things I have had to go to emergency for in the last 10 years are:

Falling off a pair of platform shoes and twisting my ankle.

Falling off stage whilst trying to entertain an audience of 3 and twisting my ankle.

Falling down a pothole whilst running alongside a friend's car and twisting my ankle.

Getting angry with a cupboard door and have it fall on my head, causing minor concussion.

Having a giant speaker fall on my head, at a gig, causing minor concussion.

Falling out of a tube train and breaking a bone a in my hand.

Yawning loudly and putting my neck out.

Sneezing and putting my neck out.

Sneezing, head-butting my computer screen and putting my neck out.

My osteopath athletically adjusting my neck (to fix the above) and dislocating my shoulder in the process.

Falling down stairs, breaking my fall by holding onto the handrail and dislocating my shoulder.

Last week, however, was one of my most bizarre accidents. I was trying to put a stopper into a large bottle of olive oil, at a friends house in Yorkshire. It was slightly greasy and I was struggling to hold it as I shoved with all my might. With a massive push, it suddenly slipped out of my hands, away from me and I punched myself in the chest with the recoil. I thought I'd just winded myself but a few days later, after walking with friends in the Lake District and wincing with pain every time I made a sudden movement, we realised it might be a bit more serious. My mother then came to the house, took one look at my forlorn face and took me to the A&E department at the local hospital. I was not only very embarrassed explaining what I'd done but to add to my discomfort, when the Doctor began to examine my ribs she said "Juliet, could you just lift your breast out of the way for me please?" Ok, things aren't as pert as they used to be! Humiliating...!

Prognosis.... I punched myself and broke my own rib! You can laugh, I can't, it hurts!