Boris
What do Robert Pattinson, Susan Boyle, Jennifer Lopez, Samantha Cameron and now, Boris Johnson have in common?
It might take you a while to work it out. It's an odd bunch I know and not normally found in the same sentence. Well, they are all victims of our tabloid journalists' annoying practice of giving perfectly normal people with perfectly normal names, ridiculous monikers. Namely R-Patz, Su-Bo, J-Lo and Sam-Cam respectively. But now they have gone too far! In the newspapers this week, our scruffy, straw-haired, eccentric, buffoon of a Mayor is being referred to as Bo Jo. For goodness sake! But I sort of get it... the press over here love to give nicknames and he is just ripe for it.
Everyone has an opinion on Boris. Many think him an incompetent and ridiculous fool, incredulous that he became the Mayor of London, even more unbelieving when he made it to a second term. Others (myself included) think Boris is a sort of caricature of himself, the large posh Tory MP... crumpled suits, guffawing speeches, hair-brain ideas who has also been responsible for some of the biggest gaffs and politically incorrect one-liners in the last few years. Boris has made a complete mess of London in many ways but he always manages to make us laugh. Laughing AT Boris is a common past-time for most of us in this country so here are a few of his more memorable faux pas...
On using a mobile phone while driving
"I don't believe that is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on."
On Tony Blair
"It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall."
On becoming Prime Minister
"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."
On Channel 5
"I don't see why people are so snooty about Channel 5. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap-dancing, and other related and vital subjects."
On being sacked
"My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."
On how to vote
"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."
On drugs
"I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar."
On tennis
"I love tennis with a passion. I challenged Boris Becker to a match once and he said he was up for it but he never called back. I bet I could make him run around."
But good old Boris came into his own this week. He has been an amazing supporter and promoter of the Olympic Games and really has worked tirelessly to make it all go as smoothly as possible. He was in Victoria Park in East London, trying to encourage people to watch the Olympics on the big screen there and saying how much fun it would be for the whole family to visit and make a day of it. To prove he was game himself, he volunteered to be strung up and slide down the zip wire. But Boris being Boris, things didn't go according to plan and he got stuck. The public got their cameras out and snapped and filmed in ecstasy. It was Boris gold. He was left dangling for nearly 10 minutes shouting "Has anyone got a rope... a ladder?" I have since looked at this image about 30 times and I burst into hysterics every single time!
But then, a few hours later, more images appeared on the internet. It was genius. Poor Boris was an internet meme.
It might take you a while to work it out. It's an odd bunch I know and not normally found in the same sentence. Well, they are all victims of our tabloid journalists' annoying practice of giving perfectly normal people with perfectly normal names, ridiculous monikers. Namely R-Patz, Su-Bo, J-Lo and Sam-Cam respectively. But now they have gone too far! In the newspapers this week, our scruffy, straw-haired, eccentric, buffoon of a Mayor is being referred to as Bo Jo. For goodness sake! But I sort of get it... the press over here love to give nicknames and he is just ripe for it.
Everyone has an opinion on Boris. Many think him an incompetent and ridiculous fool, incredulous that he became the Mayor of London, even more unbelieving when he made it to a second term. Others (myself included) think Boris is a sort of caricature of himself, the large posh Tory MP... crumpled suits, guffawing speeches, hair-brain ideas who has also been responsible for some of the biggest gaffs and politically incorrect one-liners in the last few years. Boris has made a complete mess of London in many ways but he always manages to make us laugh. Laughing AT Boris is a common past-time for most of us in this country so here are a few of his more memorable faux pas...
On using a mobile phone while driving
"I don't believe that is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on."
On Tony Blair
"It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall."
On becoming Prime Minister
"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."
On Channel 5
"I don't see why people are so snooty about Channel 5. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap-dancing, and other related and vital subjects."
On being sacked
"My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."
On how to vote
"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."
On drugs
"I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar."
On tennis
"I love tennis with a passion. I challenged Boris Becker to a match once and he said he was up for it but he never called back. I bet I could make him run around."
But good old Boris came into his own this week. He has been an amazing supporter and promoter of the Olympic Games and really has worked tirelessly to make it all go as smoothly as possible. He was in Victoria Park in East London, trying to encourage people to watch the Olympics on the big screen there and saying how much fun it would be for the whole family to visit and make a day of it. To prove he was game himself, he volunteered to be strung up and slide down the zip wire. But Boris being Boris, things didn't go according to plan and he got stuck. The public got their cameras out and snapped and filmed in ecstasy. It was Boris gold. He was left dangling for nearly 10 minutes shouting "Has anyone got a rope... a ladder?" I have since looked at this image about 30 times and I burst into hysterics every single time!
But then, a few hours later, more images appeared on the internet. It was genius. Poor Boris was an internet meme.
Comments
I love Boris x