Thursday, 8 September 2011

First Date Hell

What I Read.

I have recently discovered a hilarious website called:

Men and women sum up their awful first dates in one sentence. Genius. Here are a few of my favourites so far...

“went out with a guy who sent me a scanner pic of his penis the next day. Squashed against the glass, with his number written on it!”

“met guy at his flat, opened door in blue check fleece dressing gown and an electronic tag on his ankle, “Shall we just stay in?” he said.”

“I had one who pretended he was a widower! When I became suspicious he said “she's not dead *exactly*”?!

“I was once asked if I would, i quote “rub my bottom like mummy used to”.

“I had one who turned up, on a warm summer evening, in a huge arran jumper because he thought I'd like it, being Irish.”

“I bumped into my DAD on my date, who took one look at my 'date', looked at me and said, “you've got to be joking, Lorna”.

And just a few of my own...

On a blind date with a well dressed Greek bar owner, who whispered to me “You lucky lady, I'm wearing a pink G-string tonight”!

Out for a meal in a very smart restaurant, my date leant over my food, said "Ooh, yours looks good” and dipped his bread in my gravy.

Another blind date who had “no money on him” so I had to pay for everything and then kissed me goodbye three times as if pecking my face like a pigeon.

Out to dinner with a blind date with a man who used to be a sommelier and insisted on coming round to my side of the table and pouring my wine “correctly” EVERY single time my glass need refilling!

There are many many more but I will leave you hanging....


Mr.Jones said...

Put me in a steaming tub full of bath oil then moved to the bed with an electric blanket turned up to 10, I think she was trying to cook me.

Jules said...

Darling, If it's the Mr Jones I think it is, I might know who you're talking about... hilarious!
Jules x

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! If I though about too long I would get annoyed. Cmon guys get it together. Your fucking it up for the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

If its T JONES you're thinking of, you wouldn't know her Jules, I can't even remember her name but she was irish and there wasn't a second date !