Close Up

What I Saw

I am very lucky to be working in an amazingly modern part of London, right on the river, in a studio seven floors up which has floor to ceiling glass all the way around the open plan studio. It's the building opposite HMS Belfast below.

Those of a delicate nature and sufferers of vertigo tend to sit in the middle of the room away from the drop! I'm here freelancing for about a month and I love walking through the reflective architecture, along the river, wandering amongst the tourists and the stressed city bankers. I also love that I am in jeans whilst everyone else that works in this building are sweltering in their suits and ties. I like that.. a lot!

This morning, however, I caught my reflection in one of the many mirrored building facades and I didn't recognise myself. I scanned back and forth and couldn't see me in the crowd. I thought, I've either turned into a vampire overnight or I look much different than I think I do. And then there I was. My God, it was a shock. I looked really short and fat, frumpy and grumpy and my head looked like a shrunken head hunters trophy! I didn't look like me. It was so strange because I thought I was very body aware and then I realised... I actually look much better close up, when you can only see bits of me. The whole of me in one go isn't all that great. If you dissected my body, there are several good bits... the eyes are good, the hair (when blow-dried) nice, shoulders ok, boobs not bad, skin good, bum big but pert-ish, move past the legs and the ankles and then the feet are ok too. So that is what I see in the morning. I do my hair and make-up in a small mirror, I get dressed and literally don't look at myself til I am about to leave the flat. That final mirror only shows my top half. Blimey! It was a revelation. I have the opposite to anorexia... when I look at myself in the mirror, I think I look better, slimmer, prettier than I actually am. Crap!